Widespread Mental Illness

People can get a few dimes, but just a few times... You can taste the cancer in my morning kiss, you wanted a life companion but you've got me instead, it's perfect bliss, it's like walking on the moon... Scape from having quality time, just to get a smoke, it seems irrelevant i guess, but that's what you become after getting what you don't need, and loosing all you need...

I've got this wierd ethics running thru my brain, Am I Dead And Right? or just Alive And Wrong?... Some times it's better to read signs and walk away, sometimes risking it all, is not really the best thing you can do, running high or low, betting all or none, it all depends wether you have faith or not... It's a different view, a different sync, Open minds shall descend upon you.

That's how it has to be, I still think that nothing else matters to me, not right now, still I know, even if i cared or not for everyone else, I still know... It's just like the russian rullete when you are placing your bet! Nothing else mattered more to me, nothing else but you, I can't seem to know what have i done wrong, and if I cant find the answers within my self, then I need to search, within somebody else.

I told my self i would do good without you, but I think you should know this, I cant seem to ger over you... And I told my self i would get over you, but I think you should know this, I can't do good without you...


Now that the war is thru with me, nothing is more than pain now, I cant look forward to be healed, it's like a war time novel, it's a waste you don't want to help me... For whom the bell tolls, will suffer wounds to proof that life, has lost it's pride, for whom the bell tolls, will take a look into the sky, right before he dies, and shattered goals will cause pain to the remaining, the bell says who is to stay, but the bell tolls for me, I guess I can no longer stay!

Feel the sky crumbling, there's no worst pain that to be gifted wings the day of your birth, and to be disallowed to fly away, every second I get older, and every second I get colder, I don't know if it'll be better later, after this I fly, but as the chosen pessimist! Everyone has a story to tell, everyone knows that... I'd love to have a story, that has to be about you, you can even take notice when I'm dreaming about you, I might even smile while I sleep! But when I leave my lonely world, when I return back to my insanity, to my reality, my smile seems to vanish with the lights.

Go on and hide in your shell, but don't utter a single word, and close your pretty eyes, we'll be metting again, I'll see you in hell... When ever you want to, you are free to come, if I can help you just let me know! I'd give it all for this one thing, I'd traded it all, gave it all away, just for one thing, if I knew everything about that thing, wouldn't that mean something? I'd give it all for your heart!

These are my mental wounds, that never heal, even in the end, i guess it wouldn't matter much, I've like to have you with me when my time is running out, those are the kind of thing's I'd love to feel at the very end... There's nothing else to do, but to put my faith in you, and trust again that with time, even if you've pushed me away, I know that I've tried hard enough to get as far as I want...

And now, I'm sleepless again, before because I wanted to have you, and know because I can't have you, keep me in the dark, take me to the ground and crush me, it won't matter...

In my Glass Prison, a dark cloud has taken over, what sometime was light, just became dark... In a desperate attempt for restoration, my life seems to stop progressing and I've started fallimg appart once again, My Long Lost Fortress is now fading to black, I should have locked the door form the moment I got in. Mind storming just got my self lost within my self, I have now lost complete will to live, the reasons for my existance are slowly dying, I hope it's not too late... I need you to help me, this nightmare is drowning me faster every second it passes and I dont know how much more time will I be able to stand firm. This hell I feel, this can't be real, growing darkness taking over me from the inside, the me that once existed is now gone, today I rise again, but as another person, different lies and different excuses, I just hope it's not too late for the other me.

My will I've finally lifted, untill the day I day, I'll spit my heart for you, becoming the bull, I'm becoming a burden to my self, and then the struggle between Me, I and My Self has begun. Trying to keep my self away from my own hell, in the very end the destiny will take it all, back and forth, my ego consumes me slowly, today I'm something else! Should I bite my tongue until blood soaks my shirt? Never fall apart so tell me why this hurts so much! You're hands are at my heart and I think I hate you, but I won't make the same mistakes, I know I love you... This war within my self it's pushing me into my limits, I can no longer feel my body, even if it bleeds, I know I'll never meet someone as good as you, I'll ive my life spiting my heart for you, No other options are left, all I need is you... But I guess I fret in vain, it's all bullshit in the end. Juxtapose my colors in order to find no contrast, even when comparing you know it's all the same, it's just a waste.

No one really know how painfull is to be given wings at birth, and then be told not to fly away, it's all lies, I guess my remorse became as empty as my conciousness used to be... R.I.P. Remorse